Wanna Hear A Joke?

Gotta love honesty!

I always get the Bacon Brothers confused.So I made myself this cheat sheet:
Kevin N. Bacon - Actor
Michael A. Bacon - Musician
Chris P. Bacon - Delicious

:drool

What does that tell you?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and
a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.

Watson pondered for a minute:

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"

Be careful! CAREFUL!

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in.
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge
to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets
about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter?
They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fri-

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how
to cook? Are you insane? Turn the EGGS!"

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps, "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."

The husband simply smiles and replies, "I just wanted to show you what it
feels like while I'm driving with you in the car," and leaves.

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to
talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw
one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000." ;

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and
found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're
asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably
take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really
want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"

Some priceless stuff there KC. :rolling

This one's not bad...

That's too funny! Needed that after all the basketball hooplah in Indianapolis today. Thanks for sharing!

When people see the cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'

Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'